just so i have this in the future in case i need it: 2008- praise 2009- love 2010- unity 2011- passion 2012- courage 2013- awareness
i don’t need to be private in this way anymore. it’s been a good run.
don’t be losing your balance. don’t slip, don’t fall, just get a grip, my nigga, and hold on.
i feel so strange. i love you.
it will be so good for it to be thanksgiving for me to be grateful about the glorious bounty of denver and the palpitations of my own bloody heart
i’m just being pulled by lots of different forces, and i am sensitive to the parts of me that shift in the universe prism.
something i wrote in english today.
the gulls cry here nearly every day, entombed as they are by the bony ribcage of the sky through which the stars pierce dimly like rose thorns. “i haven’t been writing,” i say. you run your fingers over the bowl of my hips, my subtle pelvis-bones hidden beneath the bed of fat preparing for life that has not yet been sown. you kiss the space between my collarbone and my heart, as...
i want you like the clouds crave the earth; and our love is like the rain, it pours.
in the space where we watch a small hanging silkworm doing the universe dance, connecting in its intricacies the tiny usually invisible trails of dusty treesap air with the bend of branches and minute fractal curvature between canvassing treetops canopy cloudcover afternoon, the world is silent and i realize that i’m not forgetting anything, just focusing on something else. existence is only...
i like reading you my shitty poetry. maybe this is what love is— little little meaningless meaningful things that accrue in the form and void. love is just the gathering.
don’t fuck this up. don’t you dare fuck this up.
10-8-12 part two
there is a hollowness like rolling bus wheels, it rolls inside me, it lolls, and lulls and sings lullabies; it is a hollowness like trees the moment before they are struck by lightning, like a bee hive the moment before it is destroyed, like bones before they are broken. there is a hollowness inside me and inside you, maybe just the spaces between our atoms, electrons in their tiny futile...
i think it’s because my self is a place of pervasive solitude— autumn air between leaves and bare tree limbs, spring seedlings stuck beneath snow, winter comes slow and empty, summer hot and hair in decadent sunlight, sweat —it’s like wings you know, feathers, broken leaves, stems of plants plucked so they could not grow. like mortality, and like slips of fingertips on...
sometimes i get filled with such a deep and sorrowful and heavy sense of sadness, for no reason at all. maybe it’s my feeling of the emptiness within myself, all the extra space that fills atomic nothingness. maybe i am only trying to cope with my own insignificance. tonight i realized that the sun hasn’t set where you are yet, and it is pervasively dark in vermont and the sky feels...
long distance relationships are so fucking hard. but i love you, and you love me, and that’s enough.
i want to make love with you, i want to communicate intimately. distance is shitty. words are shitty.
stare at the sun until i can’t remember my name.
i miss you i miss you i miss you. i want to hold your hand.
i feel fucking weird. isolated. and weird. and not sure how to be.
i miss my music. in some ways, though, this is one of the most liberating things that’s ever happened to me.
nigga, it’s allllllll good.
you are so fucking wonderful. i keep fantasizing about you showing up in my room and we can just be in love again and together again. we are still in love, that much is obvious. we both still feel infinite compassion for one another (i know this because you cried on the phone and asked me if i was sure when i said goodnight after you fell asleep while i was talking to you), and i don’t think...
i'm a little high
and earlier i was freaking out because i thought i was in love with this other kid for two seconds, but i don’t think i was in love with him— i had been thinking about shea and this kid (zeke is his name) felt friendly and i felt proximate to him and lonely and distant about shea, and i felt the pang you feel in your chest, the buzzing and vibration, where you know you are on the same...
i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you etc…
everything is so steeped in emotion. this is changing my life. you are changing my life.
1. i am so unbelievably in love with you. you are so thoughtful and so considerate in such a subtle way. you are so passive and transient and wise. you understand so much about the world and about me, and i think you’re way more aware than you let on. you create so much beauty, and you find so many things beautiful. you inspire me to be a better person. you are so lovable, and so full of...
1. i don’t fucking want to talk about this. in any way, shape, or form. i can’t be this irritated persistently, i just can’t. 2. ?? i am so so confused. by you, and this, and the limbo that it feels like. 3. <3 all the love. thank you for breakfast. 4. i can’t ever say goodbye to you you are way too good for me and fuck everyone else i am so so so lucky i love...
there are not enough “i love you”s to justify a goodbye.
feeling so fucking dissatisfied. i should be able to do everything that i want to do, within reason. i’m not asking for more than that.